Right Ho, Jeeves is a novel by P. G. Wodehouse, the second full-length novel featuring the popular characters Jeeves and Bertie Wooster, after Thank You, Jeeves. It also features a host of other recurring Wodehouse characters, and is mostly set at Brinkley Court, the home of Bertie's Aunt Dahlia. It was first published in the United Kingdom on October 5, 1934 by Herbert Jenkins, London, and in the United States on October 15, 1934 by Little, Brown and Company, Boston, under the title Brinkley Manor. Before being published as a book, it had been sold to the Saturday Evening Post, in which it appeared in serial form from December 23, 1933 to January 27, 1934, and in England in Grand Magazine from April to September 1934. Wodehouse had already started planning this sequel while working on Thank You, Jeeves.

genre : Humorous

5 hour and 58 minute

Read Right Ho, Jeeves Online

[Feedbooks]

Right Ho, Jeeves

P. G. Wodehouse

Published: 1934

Categorie(s): Fiction, Humorous

Source: http://www.gutenberg.org About Wodehouse:

Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, KBE (15 October 1881 – 14 February 1975) was a comic writer who enjoyed enormous popular success during a career of more than seventy years and continues to be widely read. Despite the political and social upheavals that occurred during his life, much of which was spent in France and the United States, Wodehouse's main canvas remained that of pre-war English upper-class society, reflecting his birth, education, and youthful writing career. An acknowledged master of English prose, Wodehouse has been admired both by contemporaries such as Hilaire Belloc, Evelyn Waugh and Rudyard Kipling and by modern writers such as Douglas Adams, Salman Rushdie, Zadie Smith and Terry Pratchett. Sean O'Casey famously called him "English literature's performing flea", a description that Wodehouse used as the title of a collection of his letters to a friend, Bill Townend. Best known today for the Jeeves and Blandings Castle novels and short stories, Wodehouse was also a playwright and lyricist who was part author and writer of 15 plays and of 250 lyrics for some 30 musical comedies. He worked with Cole Porter on the musical Anything Goes (1934) and frequently collaborated with Jerome Kern and Guy Bolton. He wrote the lyrics for the hit song "Bill" in Kern's Show Boat (1927), wrote lyrics to Sigmund Romberg's music for the Gershwin - Romberg musical Rosalie (1928), and collaborated with Rudolf Friml on a musical version of The Three Musketeers (1928). Source: Wikipedia

Also available on Feedbooks Wodehouse:

- My Man Jeeves (1919)

Copyright: Please read the legal notice included in this e-book and/or check the copyright status in your country.

Note: This book is brought to you by Feedbooks

http://www.feedbooks.com

Strictly for personal use, do not use this file for commercial purposes.

Chapter 1

"Jeeves," I said, "may I speak frankly?"

"Certainly, sir."

"What I have to say may wound you."

"Not at all, sir."

"Well, then——"

No—wait. Hold the line a minute. I've gone off the rails.

I don't know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I'm telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it. It's a thing you don't want to go wrong over, because one false step and you're sunk. I mean, if you fool about too long at the start, trying to establish atmosphere, as they call it, and all that sort of rot, you fail to grip and the customers walk out on you.

Get off the mark, on the other hand, like a scalded cat, and your public is at a loss. It simply raises its eyebrows, and can't make out what you're talking about.

And in opening my report of the complex case of Gussie Fink-Nottle, Madeline Bassett, my Cousin Angela, my Aunt Dahlia, my Uncle Thomas, young Tuppy Glossop and the cook, Anatole, with the above spot of dialogue, I see that I have made the second of these two floaters.

I shall have to hark back a bit. And taking it for all in all and weighing this against that, I suppose the affair may be said to have had its inception, if inception is the word I want, with that visit of mine to Cannes. If I hadn't gone to Cannes, I shouldn't have met the Bassett or bought that white mess jacket, and Angela wouldn't have met her shark, and Aunt Dahlia wouldn't have played baccarat.

Yes, most decidedly, Cannes was the point d'appui.

Right ho, then. Let me marshal my facts.

I went to Cannes—leaving Jeeves behind, he having intimated that he did not wish to miss Ascot—round about the beginning of June. With me travelled my Aunt Dahlia and her daughter Angela. Tuppy Glossop, Angela's betrothed, was to have been of the party, but at the last moment couldn't get away. Uncle Tom, Aunt Dahlia's husband, remained at home, because he can't stick the South of France at any price.

So there you have the layout—Aunt Dahlia, Cousin Angela and self off to Cannes round about the beginning of June.

All pretty clear so far, what?

We stayed at Cannes about two months, and except for the fact that Aunt Dahlia lost her shirt at baccarat and Angela nearly got inhaled by a shark while aquaplaning, a pleasant time was had by all.

On July the twenty-fifth, looking bronzed and fit, I accompanied aunt and child back to London. At seven p.m. on July the twenty-sixth we alighted at Victoria. And at seven-twenty or thereabouts we parted with mutual expressions of esteem—they to shove off in Aunt Dahlia's car to Brinkley Court, her place in Worcestershire, where they were expecting to entertain Tuppy in a day or two; I to go to the flat, drop my luggage, clean up a bit, and put on the soup and fish preparatory to pushing round to the Drones for a bite of dinner.

And it was while I was at the flat, towelling the torso after a much-needed rinse, that Jeeves, as we chatted of this and that—picking up the threads, as it were—suddenly brought the name of Gussie Fink-Nottle into the conversation.

As I recall it, the dialogue ran something as follows:

SELF: Well, Jeeves, here we are, what?

JEEVES: Yes, sir.

SELF: I mean to say, home again.

JEEVES: Precisely, sir.

SELF: Seems ages since I went away.

JEEVES: Yes, sir.

SELF: Have a good time at Ascot?

JEEVES: Most agreeable, sir.

SELF: Win anything?

JEEVES: Quite a satisfactory sum, thank you, sir.

SELF: Good. Well, Jeeves, what news on the Rialto? Anybody been phoning or calling or anything during my abs.?

JEEVES: Mr. Fink-Nottle, sir, has been a frequent caller.

I stared. Indeed, it would not be too much to say that I gaped.

"Mr. Fink-Nottle?"

"Yes, sir."

"You don't mean Mr. Fink-Nottle?"

"Yes, sir."

"But Mr. Fink-Nottle's not in London?"

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, I'm blowed."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And I'll tell you why I was blowed. I found it scarcely possible to give credence to his statement. This Fink-Nottle, you see, was one of those freaks you come across from time to time during life's journey who can't stand London. He lived year in and year out, covered with moss, in a remote village down in Lincolnshire, never coming up even for the Eton and Harrow match. And when I asked him once if he didn't find the time hang a bit heavy on his hands, he said, no, because he had a pond in his garden and studied the habits of newts.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I couldn't imagine what could have brought the chap up to the great city. I would have been prepared to bet that as long as the supply of newts didn't give out, nothing could have shifted him from that village of his.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Are you sure?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You got the name correctly? Fink-Nottle?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, it's the most extraordinary thing. It must be five years since he was in London. He makes no secret of the fact that the place gives him the pip. Until now, he has always stayed glued to the country, completely surrounded by newts."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Newts, Jeeves. Mr. Fink-Nottle has a strong newt complex. You must have heard of newts. Those little sort of lizard things that charge about in ponds."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, yes, sir. The aquatic members of the family Salamandridae which constitute the genus Molge."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"That's right. Well, Gussie has always been a slave to them. He used to keep them at school."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I believe young gentlemen frequently do, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"He kept them in his study in a kind of glass-tank arrangement, and pretty niffy the whole thing was, I recall. I suppose one ought to have been able to see what the end would be even then, but you know what boys are. Careless, heedless, busy about our own affairs, we scarcely gave this kink in Gussie's character a thought. We may have exchanged an occasional remark about it taking all sorts to make a world, but nothing more. You can guess the sequel. The trouble spread,"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Indeed, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Absolutely, Jeeves. The craving grew upon him. The newts got him. Arrived at man's estate, he retired to the depths of the country and gave his life up to these dumb chums. I suppose he used to tell himself that he could take them or leave them alone, and then found—too late—that he couldn't."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It is often the way, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Too true, Jeeves. At any rate, for the last five years he has been living at this place of his down in Lincolnshire, as confirmed a species-shunning hermit as ever put fresh water in the tank every second day and refused to see a soul. That's why I was so amazed when you told me he had suddenly risen to the surface like this. I still can't believe it. I am inclined to think that there must be some mistake, and that this bird who has been calling here is some different variety of Fink-Nottle. The chap I know wears horn-rimmed spectacles and has a face like a fish. How does that check up with your data?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"The gentleman who came to the flat wore horn-rimmed spectacles, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And looked like something on a slab?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Possibly there was a certain suggestion of the piscine, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Then it must be Gussie, I suppose. But what on earth can have brought him up to London?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I am in a position to explain that, sir. Mr. Fink-Nottle confided to me his motive in visiting the metropolis. He came because the young lady is here."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Young lady?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You don't mean he's in love?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, I'm dashed. I'm really dashed. I positively am dashed, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And I was too. I mean to say, a joke's a joke, but there are limits.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Then I found my mind turning to another aspect of this rummy affair. Conceding the fact that Gussie Fink-Nottle, against all the ruling of the form book, might have fallen in love, why should he have been haunting my flat like this? No doubt the occasion was one of those when a fellow needs a friend, but I couldn't see what had made him pick on me.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It wasn't as if he and I were in any way bosom. We had seen a lot of each other at one time, of course, but in the last two years I hadn't had so much as a post card from him.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I put all this to Jeeves:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Odd, his coming to me. Still, if he did, he did. No argument about that. It must have been a nasty jar for the poor perisher when he found I wasn't here."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, sir. Mr. Fink-Nottle did not call to see you, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Pull yourself together, Jeeves. You've just told me that this is what he has been doing, and assiduously, at that."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It was I with whom he was desirous of establishing communication, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You? But I didn't know you had ever met him."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I had not had that pleasure until he called here, sir. But it appears that Mr. Sipperley, a fellow student of whom Mr. Fink-Nottle had been at the university, recommended him to place his affairs in my hands."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

The mystery had conked. I saw all. As I dare say you know, Jeeves's reputation as a counsellor has long been established among the cognoscenti, and the first move of any of my little circle on discovering themselves in any form of soup is always to roll round and put the thing up to him. And when he's got A out of a bad spot, A puts B on to him. And then, when he has fixed up B, B sends C along. And so on, if you get my drift, and so forth.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

That's how these big consulting practices like Jeeves's grow. Old Sippy, I knew, had been deeply impressed by the man's efforts on his behalf at the time when he was trying to get engaged to Elizabeth Moon, so it was not to be wondered at that he should have advised Gussie to apply. Pure routine, you might say.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, you're acting for him, are you?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Now I follow. Now I understand. And what is Gussie's trouble?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oddly enough, sir, precisely the same as that of Mr. Sipperley when I was enabled to be of assistance to him. No doubt you recall Mr. Sipperley's predicament, sir. Deeply attached to Miss Moon, he suffered from a rooted diffidence which made it impossible for him to speak."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I nodded.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I remember. Yes, I recall the Sipperley case. He couldn't bring himself to the scratch. A marked coldness of the feet, was there not? I recollect you saying he was letting—what was it?—letting something do something. Cats entered into it, if I am not mistaken."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would', sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"That's right. But how about the cats?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Like the poor cat i' the adage, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Exactly. It beats me how you think up these things. And Gussie, you say, is in the same posish?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir. Each time he endeavours to formulate a proposal of marriage, his courage fails him."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And yet, if he wants this female to be his wife, he's got to say so, what? I mean, only civil to mention it."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Precisely, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I mused.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, I suppose this was inevitable, Jeeves. I wouldn't have thought that this Fink-Nottle would ever have fallen a victim to the divine p, but, if he has, no wonder he finds the going sticky."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Look at the life he's led."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I don't suppose he has spoken to a girl for years. What a lesson this is to us, Jeeves, not to shut ourselves up in country houses and stare into glass tanks. You can't be the dominant male if you do that sort of thing. In this life, you can choose between two courses. You can either shut yourself up in a country house and stare into tanks, or you can be a dasher with the sex. You can't do both."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I mused once more. Gussie and I, as I say, had rather lost touch, but all the same I was exercised about the poor fish, as I am about all my pals, close or distant, who find themselves treading upon Life's banana skins. It seemed to me that he was up against it.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I threw my mind back to the last time I had seen him. About two years ago, it had been. I had looked in at his place while on a motor trip, and he had put me right off my feed by bringing a couple of green things with legs to the luncheon table, crooning over them like a young mother and eventually losing one of them in the salad. That picture, rising before my eyes, didn't give me much confidence in the unfortunate goof's ability to woo and win, I must say. Especially if the girl he had earmarked was one of these tough modern thugs, all lipstick and cool, hard, sardonic eyes, as she probably was.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Tell me, Jeeves," I said, wishing to know the worst, "what sort of a girl is this girl of Gussie's?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I have not met the young lady, sir. Mr. Fink-Nottle speaks highly of her attractions."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Seemed to like her, did he?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Did he mention her name? Perhaps I know her."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"She is a Miss Bassett, sir. Miss Madeline Bassett."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I was deeply intrigued.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Egad, Jeeves! Fancy that. It's a small world, isn't it, what?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"The young lady is an acquaintance of yours, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I know her well. Your news has relieved my mind, Jeeves. It makes the whole thing begin to seem far more like a practical working proposition."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Indeed, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Absolutely. I confess that until you supplied this information I was feeling profoundly dubious about poor old Gussie's chances of inducing any spinster of any parish to join him in the saunter down the aisle. You will agree with me that he is not everybody's money."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"There may be something in what you say, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Cleopatra wouldn't have liked him."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Possibly not, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And I doubt if he would go any too well with Tallulah Bankhead."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But when you tell me that the object of his affections is Miss Bassett, why, then, Jeeves, hope begins to dawn a bit. He's just the sort of chap a girl like Madeline Bassett might scoop in with relish."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

This Bassett, I must explain, had been a fellow visitor of ours at Cannes; and as she and Angela had struck up one of those effervescent friendships which girls do strike up, I had seen quite a bit of her. Indeed, in my moodier moments it sometimes seemed to me that I could not move a step without stubbing my toe on the woman.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And what made it all so painful and distressing was that the more we met, the less did I seem able to find to say to her.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower. It was like that with this Bassett and me; so much so that I have known occasions when for minutes at a stretch Bertram Wooster might have been observed fumbling with the tie, shuffling the feet, and behaving in all other respects in her presence like the complete dumb brick. When, therefore, she took her departure some two weeks before we did, you may readily imagine that, in Bertram's opinion, it was not a day too soon.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It was not her beauty, mark you, that thus numbed me. She was a pretty enough girl in a droopy, blonde, saucer-eyed way, but not the sort of breath-taker that takes the breath.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

No, what caused this disintegration in a usually fairly fluent prattler with the sex was her whole mental attitude. I don't want to wrong anybody, so I won't go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don't sometimes feel that the stars are God's daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

As regards the fusing of her soul and mine, therefore, there was nothing doing. But with Gussie, the posish was entirely different. The thing that had stymied me—viz. that this girl was obviously all loaded down with ideals and sentiment and what not—was quite in order as far as he was concerned.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Gussie had always been one of those dreamy, soulful birds—you can't shut yourself up in the country and live only for newts, if you're not—and I could see no reason why, if he could somehow be induced to get the low, burning words off his chest, he and the Bassett shouldn't hit it off like ham and eggs.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"She's just the type for him," I said.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I am most gratified to hear it, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And he's just the type for her. In fine, a good thing and one to be pushed along with the utmost energy. Strain every nerve, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir," replied the honest fellow. "I will attend to the matter at once."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Now up to this point, as you will doubtless agree, what you might call a perfect harmony had prevailed. Friendly gossip between employer and employed, and everything as sweet as a nut. But at this juncture, I regret to say, there was an unpleasant switch. The atmosphere suddenly changed, the storm clouds began to gather, and before we knew where we were, the jarring note had come bounding on the scene. I have known this to happen before in the Wooster home.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

The first intimation I had that things were about to hot up was a pained and disapproving cough from the neighbourhood of the carpet. For, during the above exchanges, I should explain, while I, having dried the frame, had been dressing in a leisurely manner, donning here a sock, there a shoe, and gradually climbing into the vest, the shirt, the tie, and the knee-length, Jeeves had been down on the lower level, unpacking my effects.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He now rose, holding a white object. And at the sight of it, I realized that another of our domestic crises had arrived, another of those unfortunate clashes of will between two strong men, and that Bertram, unless he remembered his fighting ancestors and stood up for his rights, was about to be put upon.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I don't know if you were at Cannes this summer. If you were, you will recall that anybody with any pretensions to being the life and soul of the party was accustomed to attend binges at the Casino in the ordinary evening-wear trouserings topped to the north by a white mess-jacket with brass buttons. And ever since I had stepped aboard the Blue Train at Cannes station, I had been wondering on and off how mine would go with Jeeves.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

In the matter of evening costume, you see, Jeeves is hidebound and reactionary. I had had trouble with him before about soft-bosomed shirts. And while these mess-jackets had, as I say, been all the rage—tout ce qu'il y a de chic—on the Côte d'Azur, I had never concealed it from myself, even when treading the measure at the Palm Beach Casino in the one I had hastened to buy, that there might be something of an upheaval about it on my return.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I prepared to be firm.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, Jeeves?" I said. And though my voice was suave, a close observer in a position to watch my eyes would have noticed a steely glint. Nobody has a greater respect for Jeeves's intellect than I have, but this disposition of his to dictate to the hand that fed him had got, I felt, to be checked. This mess-jacket was very near to my heart, and I jolly well intended to fight for it with all the vim of grand old Sieur de Wooster at the Battle of Agincourt.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, Jeeves?" I said. "Something on your mind, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I fear that you inadvertently left Cannes in the possession of a coat belonging to some other gentleman, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I switched on the steely a bit more.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, Jeeves," I said, in a level tone, "the object under advisement is mine. I bought it out there."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You wore it, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Every night."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But surely you are not proposing to wear it in England, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I saw that we had arrived at the nub.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But, sir——"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You were saying, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It is quite unsuitable, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I do not agree with you, Jeeves. I anticipate a great popular success for this jacket. It is my intention to spring it on the public tomorrow at Pongo Twistleton's birthday party, where I confidently expect it to be one long scream from start to finish. No argument, Jeeves. No discussion. Whatever fantastic objection you may have taken to it, I wear this jacket."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He went on with his unpacking. I said no more on the subject. I had won the victory, and we Woosters do not triumph over a beaten foe. Presently, having completed my toilet, I bade the man a cheery farewell and in generous mood suggested that, as I was dining out, why didn't he take the evening off and go to some improving picture or something. Sort of olive branch, if you see what I mean.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He didn't seem to think much of it.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Thank you, sir, I will remain in."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I surveyed him narrowly.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Is this dudgeon, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, sir, I am obliged to remain on the premises. Mr. Fink-Nottle informed me he would be calling to see me this evening."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, Gussie's coming, is he? Well, give him my love."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And a whisky and soda, and so forth."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Right ho, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I then set off for the Drones.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

At the Drones I ran into Pongo Twistleton, and he talked so much about his forthcoming merry-making of his, of which good reports had already reached me through my correspondents, that it was nearing eleven when I got home again.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And scarcely had I opened the door when I heard voices in the sitting-room, and scarcely had I entered the sitting-room when I found that these proceeded from Jeeves and what appeared at first sight to be the Devil.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

A closer scrutiny informed me that it was Gussie Fink-Nottle, dressed as Mephistopheles.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Chapter 2

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What-ho, Gussie," I said.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

You couldn't have told it from my manner, but I was feeling more than a bit nonplussed. The spectacle before me was enough to nonplus anyone. I mean to say, this Fink-Nottle, as I remembered him, was the sort of shy, shrinking goop who might have been expected to shake like an aspen if invited to so much as a social Saturday afternoon at the vicarage. And yet here he was, if one could credit one's senses, about to take part in a fancy-dress ball, a form of entertainment notoriously a testing experience for the toughest.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And he was attending that fancy-dress ball, mark you—not, like every other well-bred Englishman, as a Pierrot, but as Mephistopheles—this involving, as I need scarcely stress, not only scarlet tights but a pretty frightful false beard.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Rummy, you'll admit. However, one masks one's feelings. I betrayed no vulgar astonishment, but, as I say, what-hoed with civil nonchalance.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He grinned through the fungus—rather sheepishly, I thought.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, hullo, Bertie."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Long time since I saw you. Have a spot?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, thanks. I must be off in a minute. I just came round to ask Jeeves how he thought I looked. How do you think I look, Bertie?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Well, the answer to that, of course, was "perfectly foul". But we Woosters are men of tact and have a nice sense of the obligations of a host. We do not tell old friends beneath our roof-tree that they are an offence to the eyesight. I evaded the question.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I hear you're in London," I said carelessly.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, yes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Must be years since you came up."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, yes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And now you're off for an evening's pleasure."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He shuddered a bit. He had, I noticed, a hunted air.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Pleasure!"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Aren't you looking forward to this rout or revel?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, I suppose it'll be all right," he said, in a toneless voice. "Anyway, I ought to be off, I suppose. The thing starts round about eleven. I told my cab to wait… . Will you see if it's there, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

There was something of a pause after the door had closed. A certain constraint. I mixed myself a beaker, while Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror. Finally I decided that it would be best to let him know that I was abreast of his affairs. It might be that it would ease his mind to confide in a sympathetic man of experience. I have generally found, with those under the influence, that what they want more than anything is the listening ear.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, Gussie, old leper," I said, "I've been hearing all about you."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Eh?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"This little trouble of yours. Jeeves has told me everything."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He didn't seem any too braced. It's always difficult to be sure, of course, when a chap has dug himself in behind a Mephistopheles beard, but I fancy he flushed a trifle.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I wish Jeeves wouldn't go gassing all over the place. It was supposed to be confidential."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I could not permit this tone.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Dishing up the dirt to the young master can scarcely be described as gassing all over the place," I said, with a touch of rebuke. "Anyway, there it is. I know all. And I should like to begin," I said, sinking my personal opinion that the female in question was a sloppy pest in my desire to buck and encourage, "by saying that Madeline Bassett is a charming girl. A winner, and just the sort for you."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You don't know her?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Certainly I know her. What beats me is how you ever got in touch. Where did you meet?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"She was staying at a place near mine in Lincolnshire the week before last."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, but even so. I didn't know you called on the neighbours."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I don't. I met her out for a walk with her dog. The dog had got a thorn in its foot, and when she tried to take it out, it snapped at her. So, of course, I had to rally round."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You extracted the thorn?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And fell in love at first sight?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, dash it, with a thing like that to give you a send-off, why didn't you cash in immediately?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I hadn't the nerve."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What happened?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"We talked for a bit."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What about?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, birds."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Birds? What birds?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"The birds that happened to be hanging round. And the scenery, and all that sort of thing. And she said she was going to London, and asked me to look her up if I was ever there."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And even after that you didn't so much as press her hand?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Of course not."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Well, I mean, it looked as though there was no more to be said. If a chap is such a rabbit that he can't get action when he's handed the thing on a plate, his case would appear to be pretty hopeless. Nevertheless, I reminded myself that this non-starter and I had been at school together. One must make an effort for an old school friend.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Ah, well," I said, "we must see what can be done. Things may brighten. At any rate, you will be glad to learn that I am behind you in this enterprise. You have Bertram Wooster in your corner, Gussie."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Thanks, old man. And Jeeves, of course, which is the thing that really matters."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I don't mind admitting that I winced. He meant no harm, I suppose, but I'm bound to say that this tactless speech nettled me not a little. People are always nettling me like that. Giving me to understand, I mean to say, that in their opinion Bertram Wooster is a mere cipher and that the only member of the household with brains and resources is Jeeves.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It jars on me.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And tonight it jarred on me more than usual, because I was feeling pretty dashed fed with Jeeves. Over that matter of the mess jacket, I mean. True, I had forced him to climb down, quelling him, as described, with the quiet strength of my personality, but I was still a trifle shirty at his having brought the thing up at all. It seemed to me that what Jeeves wanted was the iron hand.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And what is he doing about it?" I inquired stiffly.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"He's been giving the position of affairs a lot of thought."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"He has, has he?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It's on his advice that I'm going to this dance."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Why?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"She is going to be there. In fact, it was she who sent me the ticket of invitation. And Jeeves considered——"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And why not as a Pierrot?" I said, taking up the point which had struck me before. "Why this break with a grand old tradition?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"He particularly wanted me to go as Mephistopheles."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I started.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"He did, did he? He specifically recommended that definite costume?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Ha!"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Eh?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Nothing. Just 'Ha!'"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And I'll tell you why I said "Ha!" Here was Jeeves making heavy weather about me wearing a perfectly ordinary white mess jacket, a garment not only tout ce qu'il y a de chic, but absolutely de rigueur, and in the same breath, as you might say, inciting Gussie Fink-Nottle to be a blot on the London scene in scarlet tights. Ironical, what? One looks askance at this sort of in-and-out running.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What has he got against Pierrots?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I don't think he objects to Pierrots as Pierrots. But in my case he thought a Pierrot wouldn't be adequate."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I don't follow that."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"He said that the costume of Pierrot, while pleasing to the eye, lacked the authority of the Mephistopheles costume."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I still don't get it."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, it's a matter of psychology, he said."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

There was a time when a remark like that would have had me snookered. But long association with Jeeves has developed the Wooster vocabulary considerably. Jeeves has always been a whale for the psychology of the individual, and I now follow him like a bloodhound when he snaps it out of the bag.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, psychology?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes. Jeeves is a great believer in the moral effect of clothes. He thinks I might be emboldened in a striking costume like this. He said a Pirate Chief would be just as good. In fact, a Pirate Chief was his first suggestion, but I objected to the boots."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I saw his point. There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And are you emboldened?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, to be absolutely accurate, Bertie, old man, no."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

A gust of compassion shook me. After all, though we had lost touch a bit of recent years, this man and I had once thrown inked darts at each other.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Gussie," I said, "take an old friend's advice, and don't go within a mile of this binge."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But it's my last chance of seeing her. She's off tomorrow to stay with some people in the country. Besides, you don't know."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Don't know what?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"That this idea of Jeeves's won't work. I feel a most frightful chump now, yes, but who can say whether that will not pass off when I get into a mob of other people in fancy dress. I had the same experience as a child, one year during the Christmas festivities. They dressed me up as a rabbit, and the shame was indescribable. Yet when I got to the party and found myself surrounded by scores of other children, many in costumes even ghastlier than my own, I perked up amazingly, joined freely in the revels, and was able to eat so hearty a supper that I was sick twice in the cab coming home. What I mean is, you can't tell in cold blood."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I weighed this. It was specious, of course.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And you can't get away from it that, fundamentally, Jeeves's idea is sound. In a striking costume like Mephistopheles, I might quite easily pull off something pretty impressive. Colour does make a difference. Look at newts. During the courting season the male newt is brilliantly coloured. It helps him a lot."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But you aren't a male newt."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I wish I were. Do you know how a male newt proposes, Bertie? He just stands in front of the female newt vibrating his tail and bending his body in a semi-circle. I could do that on my head. No, you wouldn't find me grousing if I were a male newt."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But if you were a male newt, Madeline Bassett wouldn't look at you. Not with the eye of love, I mean."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"She would, if she were a female newt."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But she isn't a female newt."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, but suppose she was."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, if she was, you wouldn't be in love with her."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, I would, if I were a male newt."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

A slight throbbing about the temples told me that this discussion had reached saturation point.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, anyway," I said, "coming down to hard facts and cutting out all this visionary stuff about vibrating tails and what not, the salient point that emerges is that you are booked to appear at a fancy-dress ball. And I tell you out of my riper knowledge of fancy-dress balls, Gussie, that you won't enjoy yourself."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It isn't a question of enjoying yourself."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I wouldn't go."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I must go. I keep telling you she's off to the country tomorrow."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I gave it up.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"So be it," I said. "Have it your own way… . Yes, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Mr. Fink-Nottle's cab, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Ah? The cab, eh?… Your cab, Gussie."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Oh, the cab? Oh, right. Of course, yes, rather… . Thanks, Jeeves … Well, so long, Bertie."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And giving me the sort of weak smile Roman gladiators used to give the Emperor before entering the arena, Gussie trickled off. And I turned to Jeeves. The moment had arrived for putting him in his place, and I was all for it.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It was a little difficult to know how to begin, of course. I mean to say, while firmly resolved to tick him off, I didn't want to gash his feelings too deeply. Even when displaying the iron hand, we Woosters like to keep the thing fairly matey.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

However, on consideration, I saw that there was nothing to be gained by trying to lead up to it gently. It is never any use beating about the b.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Jeeves," I said, "may I speak frankly?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Certainly, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What I have to say may wound you."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Not at all, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, then, I have been having a chat with Mr. Fink-Nottle, and he has been telling me about this Mephistopheles scheme of yours."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Now let me get it straight. If I follow your reasoning correctly, you think that, stimulated by being upholstered throughout in scarlet tights, Mr. Fink-Nottle, on encountering the adored object, will vibrate his tail and generally let himself go with a whoop."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I am of opinion that he will lose much of his normal diffidence, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I don't agree with you, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No. In fact, not to put too fine a point upon it, I consider that of all the dashed silly, drivelling ideas I ever heard in my puff this is the most blithering and futile. It won't work. Not a chance. All you have done is to subject Mr. Fink-Nottle to the nameless horrors of a fancy-dress ball for nothing. And this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. To be quite candid, Jeeves, I have frequently noticed before now a tendency or disposition on your part to become—what's the word?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I could not say, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Eloquent? No, it's not eloquent. Elusive? No, it's not elusive. It's on the tip of my tongue. Begins with an 'e' and means being a jolly sight too clever."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Elaborate, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"That is the exact word I was after. Too elaborate, Jeeves—that is what you are frequently prone to become. Your methods are not simple, not straightforward. You cloud the issue with a lot of fancy stuff that is not of the essence. All that Gussie needs is the elder-brotherly advice of a seasoned man of the world. So what I suggest is that from now onward you leave this case to me."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You lay off and devote yourself to your duties about the home."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I shall no doubt think of something quite simple and straightforward yet perfectly effective ere long. I will make a point of seeing Gussie tomorrow."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Right ho, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

But on the morrow all those telegrams started coming in, and I confess that for twenty-four hours I didn't give the poor chap a thought, having problems of my own to contend with.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Chapter 3

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

The first of the telegram arrived shortly after noon, and Jeeves brought it in with the before-luncheon snifter. It was from my Aunt Dahlia, operating from Market Snodsbury, a small town of sorts a mile or two along the main road as you leave her country seat.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It ran as follows:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Come at once. Travers.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And when I say it puzzled me like the dickens, I am understating it; if anything. As mysterious a communication, I considered, as was ever flashed over the wires. I studied it in a profound reverie for the best part of two dry Martinis and a dividend. I read it backwards. I read it forwards. As a matter of fact, I have a sort of recollection of even smelling it. But it still baffled me.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Consider the facts, I mean. It was only a few hours since this aunt and I had parted, after being in constant association for nearly two months. And yet here she was—with my farewell kiss still lingering on her cheek, so to speak—pleading for another reunion. Bertram Wooster is not accustomed to this gluttonous appetite for his society. Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you that after two months of my company, what the normal person feels is that that will about do for the present. Indeed, I have known people who couldn't stick it out for more than a few days.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Before sitting down to the well-cooked, therefore, I sent this reply:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Perplexed. Explain. Bertie.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

To this I received an answer during the after-luncheon sleep:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

What on earth is there to be perplexed about, ass? Come at once. Travers.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Three cigarettes and a couple of turns about the room, and I had my response ready:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

How do you mean come at once? Regards. Bertie.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I append the comeback:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I mean come at once, you maddening half-wit. What did you think I meant? Come at once or expect an aunt's curse first post tomorrow. Love. Travers.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I then dispatched the following message, wishing to get everything quite clear:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

When you say "Come" do you mean "Come to Brinkley Court"? And when you say "At once" do you mean "At once"? Fogged. At a loss. All the best. Bertie.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I sent this one off on my way to the Drones, where I spent a restful afternoon throwing cards into a top-hat with some of the better element. Returning in the evening hush, I found the answer waiting for me:

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It doesn't matter whether you understand or not. You just come at once, as I tell you, and for heaven's sake stop this back-chat. Do you think I am made of money that I can afford to send you telegrams every ten minutes. Stop being a fathead and come immediately. Love. Travers.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It was at this point that I felt the need of getting a second opinion. I pressed the bell.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Jeeves," I said, "a V-shaped rumminess has manifested itself from the direction of Worcestershire. Read these," I said, handing him the papers in the case.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

He scanned them.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What do you make of it, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I think Mrs. Travers wishes you to come at once, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You gather that too, do you?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I put the same construction on the thing. But why, Jeeves? Dash it all, she's just had nearly two months of me."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And many people consider the medium dose for an adult two days."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir. I appreciate the point you raise. Nevertheless, Mrs. Travers appears very insistent. I think it would be well to acquiesce in her wishes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Pop down, you mean?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, I certainly can't go at once. I've an important conference on at the Drones tonight. Pongo Twistleton's birthday party, you remember."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

There was a slight pause. We were both recalling the little unpleasantness that had arisen. I felt obliged to allude to it.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"You're all wrong about that mess jacket, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"These things are matters of opinion, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"When I wore it at the Casino at Cannes, beautiful women nudged one another and whispered: 'Who is he?'"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"The code at Continental casinos is notoriously lax, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"And when I described it to Pongo last night, he was fascinated."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Indeed, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"So were all the rest of those present. One and all admitted that I had got hold of a good thing. Not a dissentient voice."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Indeed, sir?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I am convinced that you will eventually learn to love this mess-jacket, Jeeves."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I fear not, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I gave it up. It is never any use trying to reason with Jeeves on these occasions. "Pig-headed" is the word that springs to the lips. One sighs and passes on.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, anyway, returning to the agenda, I can't go down to Brinkley Court or anywhere else yet awhile. That's final. I'll tell you what, Jeeves. Give me form and pencil, and I'll wire her that I'll be with her some time next week or the week after. Dash it all, she ought to be able to hold out without me for a few days. It only requires will power."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Right ho, then. I'll wire 'Expect me tomorrow fortnight' or words to some such effect. That ought to meet the case. Then if you will toddle round the corner and send it off, that will be that."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Very good, sir."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And so the long day wore on till it was time for me to dress for Pongo's party.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Pongo had assured me, while chatting of the affair on the previous night, that this birthday binge of his was to be on a scale calculated to stagger humanity, and I must say I have participated in less fruity functions. It was well after four when I got home, and by that time I was about ready to turn in. I can just remember groping for the bed and crawling into it, and it seemed to me that the lemon had scarcely touched the pillow before I was aroused by the sound of the door opening.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I was barely ticking over, but I contrived to raise an eyelid.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Is that my tea, Jeeves?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"No, sir. It is Mrs. Travers."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And a moment later there was a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and the relative had crossed the threshold at fifty m.p.h. under her own steam.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Chapter 4

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

It has been well said of Bertram Wooster that, while no one views his flesh and blood with a keener and more remorselessly critical eye, he is nevertheless a man who delights in giving credit where credit is due. And if you have followed these memoirs of mine with the proper care, you will be aware that I have frequently had occasion to emphasise the fact that Aunt Dahlia is all right.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

She is the one, if you remember, who married old Tom Travers en secondes noces, as I believe the expression is, the year Bluebottle won the Cambridgeshire, and once induced me to write an article on What the Well-Dressed Man is Wearing for that paper she runs—Milady's Boudoir. She is a large, genial soul, with whom it is a pleasure to hob-nob. In her spiritual make-up there is none of that subtle gosh-awfulness which renders such an exhibit as, say, my Aunt Agatha the curse of the Home Counties and a menace to one and all. I have the highest esteem for Aunt Dahlia, and have never wavered in my cordial appreciation of her humanity, sporting qualities and general good-eggishness.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

This being so, you may conceive of my astonishment at finding her at my bedside at such an hour. I mean to say, I've stayed at her place many a time and oft, and she knows my habits. She is well aware that until I have had my cup of tea in the morning, I do not receive. This crashing in at a moment when she knew that solitude and repose were of the essence was scarcely, I could not but feel, the good old form.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

Besides, what business had she being in London at all? That was what I asked myself. When a conscientious housewife has returned to her home after an absence of seven weeks, one does not expect her to start racing off again the day after her arrival. One feels that she ought to be sticking round, ministering to her husband, conferring with the cook, feeding the cat, combing and brushing the Pomeranian—in a word, staying put. I was more than a little bleary-eyed, but I endeavoured, as far as the fact that my eyelids were more or less glued together would permit, to give her an austere and censorious look.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

She didn't seem to get it.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Wake up, Bertie, you old ass!" she cried, in a voice that hit me between the eyebrows and went out at the back of my head.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

If Aunt Dahlia has a fault, it is that she is apt to address a vis-à-vis as if he were somebody half a mile away whom she had observed riding over hounds. A throwback, no doubt, to the time when she counted the day lost that was not spent in chivvying some unfortunate fox over the countryside.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I gave her another of the austere and censorious, and this time it registered. All the effect it had, however, was to cause her to descend to personalities.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Don't blink at me in that obscene way," she said. "I wonder, Bertie," she proceeded, gazing at me as I should imagine Gussie would have gazed at some newt that was not up to sample, "if you have the faintest conception how perfectly loathsome you look? A cross between an orgy scene in the movies and some low form of pond life. I suppose you were out on the tiles last night?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I attended a social function, yes," I said coldly. "Pongo Twistleton's birthday party. I couldn't let Pongo down. Noblesse oblige."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, get up and dress."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I felt I could not have heard her aright.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Get up and dress?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat. A deep sip or two, and I felt—I won't say restored, because a birthday party like Pongo Twistleton's isn't a thing you get restored after with a mere mouthful of tea, but sufficiently the old Bertram to be able to bend the mind on this awful thing which had come upon me.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

And the more I bent same, the less could I grasp the trend of the scenario.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What is this, Aunt Dahlia?" I inquired.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It looks to me like tea," was her response. "But you know best. You're drinking it."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

If I hadn't been afraid of spilling the healing brew, I have little doubt that I should have given an impatient gesture. I know I felt like it.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Not the contents of this cup. All this. Your barging in and telling me to get up and dress, and all that rot."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I've barged in, as you call it, because my telegrams seemed to produce no effect. And I told you to get up and dress because I want you to get up and dress. I've come to take you back with me. I like your crust, wiring that you would come next year or whenever it was. You're coming now. I've got a job for you."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But I don't want a job."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very different things. There is man's work for you to do at Brinkley Court. Be ready to the last button in twenty minutes."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But I can't possibly be ready to any buttons in twenty minutes. I'm feeling awful."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

She seemed to consider.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Yes," she said. "I suppose it's only humane to give you a day or two to recover. All right, then, I shall expect you on the thirtieth at the latest."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"But, dash it, what is all this? How do you mean, a job? Why a job? What sort of a job?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"I'll tell you if you'll only stop talking for a minute. It's quite an easy, pleasant job. You will enjoy it. Have you ever hard of Market Snodsbury Grammar School?"

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Never."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"It's a grammar school at Market Snodsbury."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

I told her a little frigidly that I had divined as much.

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir

"Well, how was I to know that a man with a mind like yours would grasp it so quickly?" she protested. "All right, then. Market Snodsbury Grammar School is, as you have guessed, the grammar school at Market Snodsbury. I'm one of the governors."

دنیای رمان مرجع رمان های ایرانی و خارجی. https://novelonline.ir